Jun 6, 2017 - Uncategorized    Comments Off on Honesty

Honesty

At the meeting today; the topic of discussion was honesty. And while I sat and listen to everyone story; in the back of my mind..I was deep in thought as I analyze my own self and see if I can be honest to my own self and truly admit that I have a problem. I was trying to find the root of my problem; and all I could find was an answer that I don’t want to accept but yet it is the truth. I am the cause of my current situation and I got myself to where I am; and it is because of me that got me started on this disease that I am still struggling to leave behind.

Am I ready to own up to my own truth? Or am I doing what I am doing to try to achieve other alternative motives?

Jun 5, 2017 - Uncategorized    Comments Off on Tolerance

Tolerance

What is my tolerance level? I guess it isn’t very high. My emotions get thrown all over the table very quick. This is because I lack self control and never found a way to release my inner thoughts and emotions in a responsible manner; until recently. And the way that I do that now is through writing. And the writing I do is not for recognition; but for mental stability and self growth and self focus. The best way to state the purpose of my writing is to say that it helps me build up my tolerance level for the things that I cannot control in my life and help me center into the things that I can control which is my own mind and emotions.

Current emotion: Since I woke up this morning. I have this feeling of anger, rage, and my body seems to not be in control as I am continuously fidgeting and shaking my legs. The reason why my leg shake a lot of the time; as I’ve come to find out; is because of the enormous amount of things that runs through my head where I find myself out of control. And this is one of the reason, why I am sitting here writing this journal entry now is because I wanted to get my thoughts down, so that I can prepare myself and learn my weakness to grow beyond that level the lack of self control.

One way of controlling myself is by mapping things out in my life. I have this program that I’ve started back about 1 year ago to do mind mapping and creating goals; but I’ve since stopped using it. During the time which I was doing it; I felt more control and accomplished because I could visibly see changes and progress.

Buying Frenzy: I find peace from buying things.  I’ve been going through this the last couple of days of looking to buy a digital camera. The canon eos 70d. I want to get back into photography and setting times out each day to start doing it again, because I have a love for it and I find peace when I am doing it.  The ebay auction ends today in about 6 hours. I hope I win.

Jun 4, 2017 - Uncategorized    Comments Off on Acceptance

Acceptance

According to dictionary.com acceptance is the act of assenting or believing. And that is the starting topic of my journal into the 2017 on journey of a man. 

The reason why I chose the term acceptance as the topic of my journal entry and the start of my writing is because after going through the rehab training for an incident that occurred in 2013; I’ve finally learned to accept my situation and is willing to adapt a new lifestyle to fix and turn my life around.

A couple of days ago during an alcoholic anonymous session; the word acceptance became the topic for the open discussion. And it was through listening to people story that I became wiser and truly take an introspective look at my life.  I spent the rest of that meeting studying and examining myself and truly seeing if I was able to accept that I had a problem or not.

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