Everyday, I wake up to a massive headache. This desire to calm the pain and decrease the anxiety is intense, and sometime I get overwhelm. And I use that reason to sometime drink myself into oblivion to get myself out from thinking about the situation. I find other ways to counter the massive headache; such as trying to be productive. But i know at the end of the day, I end up with same pain and loneliness that seems to be like only I can understand.
As I sit here tonight, I am face with the same emotion described above. But instead of taking it to alcohol to cure the problem. I am taking it to this journal to write it out. With that said… i like to list some of my thoughts:
- I feel disconnected
- I feel concerned
- I feel too much
- I use technology to replace the things that I don’t have, which is the emotional connection.
This morning, when i woke up… I was determined to get my finance into perspective. So I added everything into the mint financial software. I’ve been looking at it and feel even more overwhelm, but seems like it is more controllable, now that I see all the numbers in one place. And I feel that is all it is… just a bunch of numbers. So if I can learn to play the numbers game, i can master the product of my knowledge and activities.